Friday, February 26, 2010

Poorly sick, me no likey...!!!

Well I have been laid up in bed today. I told Ben and Our Em,s that I was going to try to have a lie in but I just didnt really get up. I think it's more knackerdness ( is there such a word ) rather than illness, but whatever it is I don't like it. Its bad when you have to have a lie down to recover from making a cup of tea..!!! Of course I didn,t sit here all day doing nowt, I made some more projects for the next round of workshops. Do you want some sneeks..??? Ok here we go.

This is a little project for Fathers Day, lots of tags, pockets and envelopes. I am going to fill mine eith memories of Dad, but I also thought it would be nice to write him 3 letters and seal them in the envelopes.

And this one is full of secret pockets and you wouldn't believe what it is made out of...

I also spent a bit of time reading this book.

A business plan book that I can relate to. I read tons of business books - I know, I know, you would never guess...!!!! But I am always buying them in airports etc. I love reading them and really take on board and agree with a lot of what they are saying. But I then struggle to apply it into MY business. A creative business feeds off the creativity you input, not the rules and regulations. It is a struggle mixing lsft brain thinking with right brain doing. I have often wished I was more business minded, but that would then leave me less creative, so whats a girl to do, lol.
In the words of Nobel Prize winning behavioural economist Daniel Kahneman

"Business is more about emotions than most people care to admit. It's time to put the passion for work and the joy of creation back into business."

At last!!!! people are always telling me to put emotions aside and be more business like, but I feel my business is surviving because of that very fact. It is full of emotions, and so is life. By showing my emotions and expressing them through my work, my journals and my blog, I am allowing others to do the same, and providing them with a safe place to do so. In an industry where they are dropping like flies, I feel the personal approach is what is required.  The world is turning so fast, can you believe its nearly March, and our lives are so busy that it is easy to jump on the treadmill with no viable means of escape. My studio is that little escape, where you are allowed to be you, to embrace your inner need and to pause the world if only for a few hours. Blue lollipops, colouring outside the lines, no rubbers cos there are no mistakes, tea coming out of your ears and permission to remove your mask are all available on request, Plus you are always safe in the knowledge that "what happens in the studio, STAYS in the studio" unless you happen to be Bezzie Su and then it appears on here. lmao
I have a passion for what I do, which sometimes gets lost in the humdrum, necessary world of being the head honcho, but the flame never goes out, no matter how low it gets. I have sat here today, feeling crap, making samples, not because I NEED to, but because I LOVE doing them. You can just imagine me when the kids put me in a home can't you. I will always be on the naughty wheelchair, due to smuggling in too much ink and paint. Nobody will be able to read the magazines cos I will have cut them to pieces and instead of sedate bingo session we will be having rousing art journaling sessions. They will call the doctors to diagnose the cause of our blue tongues and Tim's flexible scissors will be perfect for our poor arthritic fingers.. We can have regular weekly outings to Starbucks for therapy and Northern Soul will be blasting through the intercom. Sounds good yeah.??? well I will meet you there in around 20 yrs ish.  Mind you they had better put me in a room of my own seeing as I dont sleep. !!!
Well after all that I cant blooming remember what I was talking about or what the point was, ha ha.
Never mind, I came across this today. It is my old school report from Secondary school.

 I always got really good marks in most subjects and at this point I was still getting good marks in Art.!!

I have always been a bit wild, but I always enjoyed lessons. I was intop group and found the work easy but interesting. But because I found it easy I was left to my own devices a lot of the time and therefore consequently bored. It was when I was coming up 14 that I went really off the rails, didn,t turn in half the time, rebelled against the system, kicked out at society. I was extemely angry and anti and no one thought to wonder why. I didnt bother with homework or revision and scraped through 5 o levels. This from some one in top group who was expected to achieve great things. Just imagine what I would be doing if I had stuck with it. The world was my oyster. So do I regret it - do I eckerslike..!!! Cos if I did I wouldnt be doing what I'm doing now, would I.  At one time I did regret it and so at the age of 30 I went back to college to do an access course. This led to A levels in Law and Politics which in turn led to an unconditional place at Leeds Met studying Law. Yes, thats right , me a mature student amongst all these young academics.  I loved it there , I was like a sponge soaking up the information, learning the laws and precedents and applying the knowledge into essay after essay. I was sooooo organised, well I had to be, as a single Mum of 4, with 2 part time jobs and a very demanding hard core partying reputation to live up to. My notes were the ones every one wanted to borrow on a Monday morning, lol. But the pressure was too much, the workload was too much, the 4 hrs reading eveery night was too much. My perfectionist nature couldnt cope and my OCD and Bulinia went into overdrive. I started having panic attacks and eventually my body broke down and I was bedridden with the start of a 5/6 yr illness, Myalgic Encephalitis or M. E. as it is more commonly known.
So am I bitter, am I angry, am I regretful that I  didnt stay the course and had to drop out after working so hard. No, I arent and I wasn't. To me it is always about the journey. I never thought I would have got so far. I was soooooo proud of my achievements. I was the first member of my family to gain a place at University and I loved every minute of it. I didnt need to arrive at my intended destination, I just got off at a few stops before. I had proved to myself that I had it in me and that was all that mattered. My life now couldnt be any more different, paint instead of the pen, a studio instead of the courtroom and students instead of defendants. Instead of teaching and expecting people to live by the rules, I am instructing them to throw the rule book and make it up as they go along.
There are no half measures with me, its all or nothing, whatever I do. My Dad always said

"if a jobs worth doing its worth doing properly"

life is too frikkin short to spend your days doing something you don't like to pay the bills. I know and understand that bills have to be paid, I was a single Mum of 4 living on benifits remember. But I wanted out, I wanted more, I wanted to go meet my Maker having making the most of my time on Earth. Many a time I have felt like jacking it in and getting a job with no responsibilites that is 9 - 5 which would enable me to have a life. One that paid the bills every month with a bit left over. I am sure if I was means tested I would be below the breadline. Unfortunately I havent quite worked out how a shop full of product can feed, clothe and house us. But I would hate it in a flash wouldnt I. Every day of my work is different, I learn new things all the tine, I get ot hang out with the most amazing people and I get to see them transform into confident artists. Life might be shit a lot of the time but its frikkin ace the rest of the time. Its all a matter of altering your perspective.

"If you don't like something change it,
if you can't change it,
change your attitude".

Blimey..!!! Here ended the fifth lesson, lmao. Don,t know where that all came from, I blame the medication. Anyway better out than in. Life is for living and we are a long time dead. Lets hope wherever I am going they have an abundant supply of  paint, doublesided tape, toffees and Northern Soul..

Enjoy xx


Jude said...

It is late and I am WAY too tired to read properly...but I did look at all the pictures and I liked them and I promise to visit again tomorrow and read all the words. Then I can comment properly. Not like this. Night night. xx

Lynne said...

Love your blog & your creations!! I am always inspired by your works!!
And you have such a great & wonderful sense of humor!!
I received an award and would like to pass it on to you as well, at:

Sandra Hall said...

You are so articulate at expressing your story Dy. I have nothing but admiration for your strength... to stand, to fight for a better life for your family and to carry on in the face of adversity. You've heard it many times I know, but you're an inspiration. And I don't just mean artistically, but holistically. Love you.

Anonymous said...

I can so relate to what you are saying...Ive just found the 'change' quote a few weeks ago and I have decided thats how Im going to start living my life by.

ForgedinPaper said...

Our gain then that the law world lost out. Somedays you do need to stay in bed so you can regroup and recharge. Keep on doing it your way and I only recommended pinstripes if you have a whip lol!

Virginia said...

Dyan was a wonderful post, it's like a roller coaster, you think you know what's coming then we plough headlong down before careering around another corner and it slows and then before you know it a loop the loop and the brakes applied all in a split second. It's so incredibly difficult to mix the business aspect with the artistic aspect of life and the fine tightrope between the two. You live and breath your business and there are so many people who benefit as a result, I really could never see you in a 9-5 job somehow, you'd be raiding the stationery cupboard and making books out of paperclips and paper. The samples look stunning! HOpe you are feeling less wrecked this morning and that you might have managed some sleep!


maggie warke said...

Hope you feel better soon. Put my name down for the home please I want to paint ink sing shout etc etc, better still open a home of your own for all us crinkly crafters! now theres a business opportunity! You are doing a cracking job take care of yourself
x Maggie

Kirsti said...

Blimey Dyan... I am so glad you got all that of your chest...lm(ws)ao....Sounds like you have done it all to survive....

Wish I was coming to Rusty Pickle at your but it's just too far away so 10 miles up the road is better this time I'm afraid... well that's if this flipping snow would hurry up and disapear other wise it's a treachorous(sp?) 10 miles... hopefully see you sometime this year!!!..Hope you feel better soon...Love Kirsti xoxo

Jude said...

Well, that all made far more sense this morning when the words weren't swimming about the screen and getting muddled up..!

Loved that post - you've really surprised me - law?!? I would never had guessed...not that I think you wouldn't have been good, I'm just having a hard time picturing you in a would have to be black of course but you'd be wearing DM's and doodling all over your court notes!

There's a saying - "Fit's meant for ye winna go by ye" basically, what's meant to be is meant to be. I regret not finishing uni too but where I am now is where I want to be. You are doing what you are good at and what you love - teaching, creating, helping people through their art journey. I think the world would be a little less bright if you'd followed the law route and we would all be a little less inspired too.

(Saying that though, if in that parallel universe I was in trouble, I would totally hire you as my defense!! )


suzyq said...

That has to be the most productive "Duvet day" on record!! If your body is tellin you to rest then maybe you need to rest:0)
I love that Fathers day album. i was chuffed to bits to see that you are stocking the Graphic 45 papers, they are sooo gorgeous!! and i was lookin at the Gentleman collection and thinkin it would be great to do an album about my dad. long story short Feb 15th was the 26th aniversery of his death and ive just found some lovely old black & white, and sepia photos of him, and think that album will be best made with friends. Thank you for sharing, take care, sue x

olive said...

sign me up for the 'home for the bewildered' i'll be there with pink hair and red lips!!! If you gave up AFTH what would I have to live for Dyan, once a month in Harrogate is my survival kit...... and your lovely online shop where else could i spend hubby's money!!!!! Keep the faith. Ciao

PS bringing a cake.....

Siobhan Brignull said...

let me know the name of the Nursing Home I wanna put my name down for it too, love the way it all comes out of you onto the blog, your life has certainly been packed with stuff both good and bad, but as you say it all mixes together to make you, who you are.

Kaz said...

Well I'm glad you went through all that to get to where you are now. I can relate sooo much - I'd never have found creating with inks etc if I hadn't got well. But what I really want to know is all the gorey details of when you went off the rails. I bet you've got some good stories to tell!!! xx

Muckypup said...

Glad to see you back on form from a blog post point of view, even if the rest of you feels like rubbish! Really sorry that I have missed out on all the fab workshops that you have organised recently, but have had to work like mad recently. If you check my blog you'll see that I have been journalling like a good girl though!

The Scrappy Tree said...

Wow Dyan, you have actually got me in tears! So proud of you and what you stand for - you're an inspiration to those of us who haven't taken that leap yet but so want to ;) good on ya girl

YourValuedAssistant said...

Hope you feel better soon lovie and get some of your energy back. Your blog is amazing I love your honesty, strength and determination you're an inspiration to me. One day I will be able to attend one of your courses I can't wait for that! My sister is suffering from M.E alongside a number of other illnesses she has five children to look after, she amazes me I have no idea how she manages. We don't live close enough for me to help her out as much as I would like.
The fathers day creation is fabulous, did you use part of a leather belt on one of the pages?
I'm going to finish by saying thank you so much for replying to my blog post and giving me step by step help I haven't had time to go on and follow your instructions yet but I will - I'm touched you took the time out to help me.
K xx

bonjen3 said...

PMSL , you are hilarious, If you want to give up your day job you could be a comedian!

Quote of the Century

"You are an extraordinary woman.

How can you expect anything ordinary to happen to you"

Louisa May Alcott