Monday, March 2, 2009

One more sleep ( if thats what you can call it)

Shopping day today Yayy!! No not really, you cant have fun when you are shopping for clothes for a funeral can you. New suit for Ben. That is no mean feat in itself, when you are a rugby playing prop forward that's built like a brick s***house its a night mare buying a suit off the peg. but the deed is done and gorgeous he looks in it. Jay needed new shoes, high black strappy ( wonder who she takes after). Emmi settled for new accessories. I at the moment am too fat to fit into anything. Ok I know I am not fat but I have put nearly a stone on since Christmas which is a massive amount for me. I think the combination of stress, HRT, and just lately trying to fill the gaping hole in my heart with chocolate is not a good one. Now you know and I know that stuffing my face with toffees and chocolate is not going to replace what is missing but it is having a damn good try. All this has contributed to the fact that my arse will not slither into any of my gorgeous clothes, so new kegs were called for. Long lean and black , just for a change. I refrained from buying shoes as I somehow have amassed approx 103 pairs of high black heels. (Ok I exaggerate its maybe 101 pairs). I did have to buy a new black blouse as my bosom ( love that word) seems to have erupted over night and I don't know about you but a gaping cleavage is not a good look at a funeral..

.Now I know a few of you may feel I am being a bit flippant at the moment and that now is not the time to joke. But I have to do what is necessary to get me through tomorrow. I really want to curl up into a ball and scream and cry my eyes out, but I have 4 gorgeous kids who although they are all grown up, still need their mum to be strong and to be there for them. So please excuse me while I deal with my grief in the way that I need to. I remember someone saying to me that you had to lose both parents to become a grown up yourself, and it is only now that I am beginning to realise how true that saying is.

Please note that the studio will be closed for much of the day tomorrow. Due to the kindness of my friends the children's art class and the regular Tuesday night ladies class will be running as normal. Thanks girlies.

If anyone who knew mum would like to come along and pay your respects the service is at Harrogate Crematorium at 3pm and you will be most welcome.

Hers another of the journal pages I completed on Sunday. This is how I feel. I wish I could slap on some large dark glasses and just run away!!

Tim has been revamping his website. How cool is that???? you need to go over to his website and check out the cool demo videos he now has up. If you want to know how to use any of his products there is a video explaining it for you. Unfortunately there is also the video of his European trip where he is taking the mick out of me. Mario is still in the dog house for that one. The boys are over in Paris next week for the French trade show and I am busy trying to reschedule and arrange flights to spend a day or two with them. No work just pure fun. It is my birthday next week and I think they are just what I need for a pick me up. I know death never happens at a good time, but I have mums funeral this week, my birthday next week and Mothers Day the week after. Nice eh??

Prob wont be up to blogging tomorrow, hope you understand. xx


Anne Jagger said...

Thinking of you and your family Dyan. Hope all goes well.
I lost my Mum last March and I don't think it's sumk in properly yet. Everybody deals with grief in a different way - do whatever is right for you.
Love and Hugs.
Anne x
(PS I have the biggest pants in the world!)
Hope to see you soon

angie's blogspot said...

Hi Dyan, my thoughts will be with you and your family today, I think it will do you a world of good to go to Paris next week, wow what a plce to spend your birthday, I've drawn the short straw this year as my birthday falls on mother's day, I keep reminding my boys that's it's a double whammy, lol not sure if they realise what I'm hankering at.
hope all goes well for you

angie x

Unknown said... must deal with this however you choose ..there are NO rules that tell how to grieve...cry.scream, shout laugh or silence whatever gets you through... this is right for you. no need to defend your actions..go with will be a hard day.. think about yourself too go with your emotions....your comfort is your family..that without your parents lives none of this would be possible your mum and dad will live on in you and your children...thinking of you at this difficult time sassyxx ((HUS)))i lost my dad too 6 months before my mum...xx

Debo said...

There's no need to apologize for how you deal with your grief. Someone posted the advice to you 'be as you need to be' and humour is often a mechanism for coping with serious issues. My late nan had Alzheimers and if we didn't laugh at some of the things we would have broken down and sobbed forever. If you get your lovely sense of humour from your mum, I'm sure she would laugh at the thought of gaping bosoms at a funeral.
Wishing all the strength you need to get through tomorrow - and I hope you get to Paris, it sounds just what you need.

Clare with paint in her hair said...

Hi there, Hope the day has gone as well as these things can and you haven't hit anyone!!!!
Know where you are coming from, spread moms ashes yesterday Clare's birthday tom and mom's day soon, can I join in the ball to scream and shout. Take care

Best wishes,
Susan Morten, Clare's Horners Corner mom

Julia Dunnit said...

Don't apologise for dealing with your grief in whichever way you can. A coupla days off next week sound like just the distraction you need. Despite the trauma, I'm sure today will be as good as it can be, your dear Mum will be surrounded by love.

Paper Paradise said...

Thinking of you ..........

Sue and Paul xxx

Unknown said...

Thinking of you right now as you are in the middle of it all xx Big hugs to you all as you say goodbye x

Gayle said...

You have no need to apologise to us for anything you do! I am like you, I too deal with grief with a very dry wit...and usually a large bar of chocolate! I hope that tomorrow goes smoothly for you all.Remember that you and your fantastic family are her legacy. She must have been so proud of you all!
You are all very much in my thoughts...
Big Hugs
Gayle x

Ann said...

Hi Dyan
I have just found your blog after finding your new web address in a magazine booklet shown to me today. I was really sorry to read the last couple of weeks posts and sad to hear of your Mother's illness and sudden death. I extend to you and your family my sincere condolences.
It is 20 years now since I lost my Mum - and I still miss her.
For sure you have inherited your Mother's warmth, sense of humour, courage and strength and these great attributes will help you through the next weeks, months and years.
You will now have an extra Angel looking out for you.
Take extra good care of yourself.

Carole Bryson said...

Will be thinking of you all Dyan.

We all deal with grief differently, so please don't beat yourself up worrying if you are doing it right or wrong ok !

See ya soon xxxxxxxxx

Michelle said...

Hi Dyan,
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
You do whatever you have to do to get through this.
Michelle xx

Quote of the Century

"You are an extraordinary woman.

How can you expect anything ordinary to happen to you"

Louisa May Alcott