Wednesday, March 4, 2009

So proud

Yesterday was a horrible day, but we got through it. The service was beautiful and the church was absolutely rammed with people. My younger brother read out a "letter to Grandma" from his son , which choked everyone. And my older brother gave a fabulous speech about Mum and her wonderful ways. It amazes me how they both found the strength to be able to do it. Many people had travelled a long way to be with us and I was so touched by the feeling of love and admiration that they had for Mum. Many commented ,at the wake, that if Mum had been there she would have loved it as we did her proud. Thank you to all the wonderful family and friends who turned out to show their respects. She was a very special person to so many in so many ways and will be greatly missed.

It is not often that I get all four of my fabulous children in the same room , at the same time. And to see them dressed so smartly, and so I couldn't resist capturing the moment. It may sound odd to some to take photos just before a funeral, but Mum was such a loving Grandma to them all and she would have been delighted to see them looking so wonderful.

Today brought home to me just how "grown - up" they all are now. I was so proud of them today and the way they handled themselves. Although they are all grieving and hurting badly themselves ,they went out of their way , all day,to ensure I was alright.

Big thank you to Mark. He was a big part of my family for a long, long time and Mum was very dear to him. She, in turn, thought the world of him. I am not sure how I and the kids would have got through without him by my side. Thanks babe you done good.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words, I cannot express how much they meant to me. It amazes me the time people have taken to show that they care. I will treasure that for ever. Those of you who have lost their mothers, my heart goes out to you. Those of you still lucky enough not to, go give her a big hug and a kiss and treasure those moments.

I have now become the "head" of my little family and I don't like it. Who am I going to go to when things go wrong? Who is going to tell me everything is all right? Who am I going to go to , to make it all better? I know that "life goes on", but I want it to go backwards, I want to hold her hand one more time and tell her I love her. I want to say all the things I never said and I want to do all things I never did. I want her to know just how much I really loved her and that she was the best Mum and friend that I could ever wish for.
And I want to tell her that I am sorry.


flutterbycrafter said...

I have read your comments with tears streaming down my cheeks, well done to all of you, cry your hearts out, I promise you the tears will be followed by laughter.

Marie R said...

Dyan, your Mum knows. Loads of love sweetie x

Unknown said...

Tears are streaming down my face - how proud she will be of you all xx She will know all the things you wanted to say and all the things you wanted to do xx You all looked so smart and great to see Mark supporting you all too. Hugs xx

Carol Ann said...

Mum will know. You have a beautiful family, they have all been there for you and you will be there for them. And somehow just like your Mum before you, as head of the family you will do just fine x

Kirsty Wiseman said...

was thinking of you all, all day yest Dy. You all look so smart xx

Anne Jagger said...

Another one here with tears streaming down her face. Your last paragraph sums it all up perfectly, I think all of us who have lost Mums (and Dads) will feel exactly the same way, but as people have already said, they DO know.
Take care
Love Anne x

Michelle said...

Dyan you have a lovely family.
You dont look old enough, you look like their sister:-)

I cried when I read the last paragraph.
My Mum is my best friend and it has really made me think of things i dont want to.
My heart goes out to you, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Big hugs,
Michelle xx

Julia Dunnit said...

She knows, girly. She knows.

Anonymous said...

I popped over from Kirstys..
Just want to say..
Your Mam would be `proud`...
`much love to you all`

Siobhan Brignull said...

hi Dyan, first time ive visited your blog and what a week to pick, Ive got tears streaming down my face from your last paragraph, you have a way with words and your art is fantastic, my mum is luckily still with us but too far away for me to give her a hug and a cuddle, and she'd tell me to not be so daft if I did she'll be getting a good hug, like it or not, next time I see her. Your words and work are an inspiration, Siobhan

Quote of the Century

"You are an extraordinary woman.

How can you expect anything ordinary to happen to you"

Louisa May Alcott