Peeling away the layers....

Well what a shock, its nearly 2am and I am just writing this post now..!! Where does the time go..?? I,ve been busy with samples all day and I,ve got some peeks of one of them. Its pink, its piratey and its fabby..!!!!

I am also in the middle of a quirky house shaped book filled with houses. Yes you heard me right. Its all in sherbety colours and is really cool.

I was telling you yesterday about my new empowerment art journal. I,ve not been having a good time of it recently and it has knocked me back a bit. Now I know a lot of you think of me as a confident loud person. But in reality nothing could be further than the truth. It is all a well perfected act that has taken me years to acquire, and even if I say it myself I do a fantastic job of faking it. I do , in fact, struggle greatly with my confidence and self belief. It is something I have struggled with for 30 years and it,s now the time to get a handle on it. A friend of mine , the lovely Kate, has done a journal post about "the Imposter syndrome" which just sums it all up for me. It is all about the fear of being found out as a fraud. I have no proper art qualifications, or training, I just love what I do. I love to teach and I am passionate about passing on my acquired knowledge to others. I have never claimed to be the best teacher, designer, artist or crafter. I sort of accidentally fell into this career, whilst making a long recovery from myalgic encephalitis (ME for short). I had made a late return to University and was actually studying for a Law degree. But this is what I do, this is what I love and apparently I am good at it, lol. With everything that has gone on in the last year my insecurities have really come to the surface and bubbled over and so I have decided I am going to really work on them, The Art journaling is really helping and so this one is especially dedicated to me and my little idiosyncrasies. I always tell people that you should art journal as though no one else will see what you have written as it is the only way to really express your inner self and so I have taken my own advice, for a change. Some of it is painful, some of it is comforting, some of it is hilarious, but it is all me and that' the most important thing. It is me stripped bare by the person who knows me best - ME. It includes the things I like about myself , the things I don' like and the things I wish I could change. Some of it is too personal to show at the moment, I don' like to look at some of it myself, but I am making myself do it and it is really therapeutic. I am filling it with some of my favourite quotes and meaningful sayings. This is one that really sums me up....

Everyone can see what I appear to be,

But only a few know the real me.

You can only see what I choose to show,

But there' so much behind this smile, you just don' know....

Here'sa couple of pages from it. Its a new size I am working in, still all recycled from newspaper, just a totally different shape.

This one is all about putting on the brave face hat. Looking neither left nor right, one foot in front of the other. Head held high, count to ten and go. Before you know it you are there at the finishing line, you made it.

As you can see I have used two sizes of pages in this journal as I love to see whats coming and whats been. Makes it much more visual.

This is my "life sucks" page. Cos most of the time it seems to. So we can either give in to it and drown or slap a big smile on , get your wellies on ( ace for wading through the crap thrown at you) and pull up your big girl pants. Just get it out of your system ready for the next lot, lol.

This is the one about the many layers we have built up around us over the years and how painful it is when we finally start to peel them back.

I spent the whole of yesterday working on this journal from 10 in the morn to 10 at night and completed 9 pages altogether. I was absolutely worn out and drained from the emotion, but couldn' seem to stop. It took all my will power today not to carry on with it and concentrate on the samples instead. I have banned myself from doing any more until more samples are produced.. But the ideas are flowing thick and fast so I am scribbling them down all the time. I have also started a quote book, where I am jotting them down as I remember, or come across them. I am trying to find the most positive thinking ones I can, so if you have any that always raise your self esteem and send your confidence soaring , then send them in to me.

I love this one and can remember my beloved Grandma saying it to me...

Count your blessings and your problems,

If your problems outnumber your blessings then count again.

Chances are the things you take for granted,

where never included....

And this one although not positive thinking always brings a smile to my face, which surely is a positive result.

Shit happens,

but mainly to me,

so don'tworry about it.

Ok its 2.50 am, one last face book status and one last twitter an I,m done.

Enjoy xx