Poorly sick, me no likey...!!!

Well I have been laid up in bed today. I told Ben and Our Em,s that I was going to try to have a lie in but I just didnt really get up. I think it's more knackerdness ( is there such a word ) rather than illness, but whatever it is I don't like it. Its bad when you have to have a lie down to recover from making a cup of tea..!!! Of course I didn,t sit here all day doing nowt, I made some more projects for the next round of workshops. Do you want some sneeks..??? Ok here we go.

This is a little project for Fathers Day, lots of tags, pockets and envelopes. I am going to fill mine eith memories of Dad, but I also thought it would be nice to write him 3 letters and seal them in the envelopes.

And this one is full of secret pockets and you wouldn't believe what it is made out of...

I also spent a bit of time reading this book.

A business plan book that I can relate to. I read tons of business books - I know, I know, you would never guess...!!!! But I am always buying them in airports etc. I love reading them and really take on board and agree with a lot of what they are saying. But I then struggle to apply it into MY business. A creative business feeds off the creativity you input, not the rules and regulations. It is a struggle mixing lsft brain thinking with right brain doing. I have often wished I was more business minded, but that would then leave me less creative, so whats a girl to do, lol.

In the words of Nobel Prize winning behavioural economist Daniel Kahneman

"Business is more about emotions than most people care to admit. It's time to put the passion for work and the joy of creation back into business."

At last!!!! people are always telling me to put emotions aside and be more business like, but I feel my business is surviving because of that very fact. It is full of emotions, and so is life. By showing my emotions and expressing them through my work, my journals and my blog, I am allowing others to do the same, and providing them with a safe place to do so. In an industry where they are dropping like flies, I feel the personal approach is what is required.  The world is turning so fast, can you believe its nearly March, and our lives are so busy that it is easy to jump on the treadmill with no viable means of escape. My studio is that little escape, where you are allowed to be you, to embrace your inner need and to pause the world if only for a few hours. Blue lollipops, colouring outside the lines, no rubbers cos there are no mistakes, tea coming out of your ears and permission to remove your mask are all available on request, Plus you are always safe in the knowledge that "what happens in the studio, STAYS in the studio" unless you happen to be Bezzie Su and then it appears on here. lmao

I have a passion for what I do, which sometimes gets lost in the humdrum, necessary world of being the head honcho, but the flame never goes out, no matter how low it gets. I have sat here today, feeling crap, making samples, not because I NEED to, but because I LOVE doing them. You can just imagine me when the kids put me in a home can't you. I will always be on the naughty wheelchair, due to smuggling in too much ink and paint. Nobody will be able to read the magazines cos I will have cut them to pieces and instead of sedate bingo session we will be having rousing art journaling sessions. They will call the doctors to diagnose the cause of our blue tongues and Tim's flexible scissors will be perfect for our poor arthritic fingers.. We can have regular weekly outings to Starbucks for therapy and Northern Soul will be blasting through the intercom. Sounds good yeah.??? well I will meet you there in around 20 yrs ish.  Mind you they had better put me in a room of my own seeing as I dont sleep. !!!

Well after all that I cant blooming remember what I was talking about or what the point was, ha ha.

Never mind, I came across this today. It is my old school report from Secondary school.

 I always got really good marks in most subjects and at this point I was still getting good marks in Art.!!

I have always been a bit wild, but I always enjoyed lessons. I was intop group and found the work easy but interesting. But because I found it easy I was left to my own devices a lot of the time and therefore consequently bored. It was when I was coming up 14 that I went really off the rails, didn,t turn in half the time, rebelled against the system, kicked out at society. I was extemely angry and anti and no one thought to wonder why. I didnt bother with homework or revision and scraped through 5 o levels. This from some one in top group who was expected to achieve great things. Just imagine what I would be doing if I had stuck with it. The world was my oyster. So do I regret it - do I eckerslike..!!! Cos if I did I wouldnt be doing what I'm doing now, would I.  At one time I did regret it and so at the age of 30 I went back to college to do an access course. This led to A levels in Law and Politics which in turn led to an unconditional place at Leeds Met studying Law. Yes, thats right , me a mature student amongst all these young academics.  I loved it there , I was like a sponge soaking up the information, learning the laws and precedents and applying the knowledge into essay after essay. I was sooooo organised, well I had to be, as a single Mum of 4, with 2 part time jobs and a very demanding hard core partying reputation to live up to. My notes were the ones every one wanted to borrow on a Monday morning, lol. But the pressure was too much, the workload was too much, the 4 hrs reading eveery night was too much. My perfectionist nature couldnt cope and my OCD and Bulinia went into overdrive. I started having panic attacks and eventually my body broke down and I was bedridden with the start of a 5/6 yr illness, Myalgic Encephalitis or M. E. as it is more commonly known.

So am I bitter, am I angry, am I regretful that I  didnt stay the course and had to drop out after working so hard. No, I arent and I wasn't. To me it is always about the journey. I never thought I would have got so far. I was soooooo proud of my achievements. I was the first member of my family to gain a place at University and I loved every minute of it. I didnt need to arrive at my intended destination, I just got off at a few stops before. I had proved to myself that I had it in me and that was all that mattered. My life now couldnt be any more different, paint instead of the pen, a studio instead of the courtroom and students instead of defendants. Instead of teaching and expecting people to live by the rules, I am instructing them to throw the rule book and make it up as they go along.

There are no half measures with me, its all or nothing, whatever I do. My Dad always said

"if a jobs worth doing its worth doing properly"

life is too frikkin short to spend your days doing something you don't like to pay the bills. I know and understand that bills have to be paid, I was a single Mum of 4 living on benifits remember. But I wanted out, I wanted more, I wanted to go meet my Maker having making the most of my time on Earth. Many a time I have felt like jacking it in and getting a job with no responsibilites that is 9 - 5 which would enable me to have a life. One that paid the bills every month with a bit left over. I am sure if I was means tested I would be below the breadline. Unfortunately I havent quite worked out how a shop full of product can feed, clothe and house us. But I would hate it in a flash wouldnt I. Every day of my work is different, I learn new things all the tine, I get ot hang out with the most amazing people and I get to see them transform into confident artists. Life might be shit a lot of the time but its frikkin ace the rest of the time. Its all a matter of altering your perspective.

"If you don't like something change it,

if you can't change it,

change your attitude".

Blimey..!!! Here ended the fifth lesson, lmao. Don,t know where that all came from, I blame the medication. Anyway better out than in. Life is for living and we are a long time dead. Lets hope wherever I am going they have an abundant supply of  paint, doublesided tape, toffees and Northern Soul..

Enjoy xx