Saturday, October 31, 2009

Warning, this post may make you wet your pants...!!!

Guess what I,ve done today..??? Yup, spent the day in bed again...Wtf...??? I didn't sleep too good last night, hot sweats and restless, and before you all start I was on my own, ok..!! lol..
Woke up this morning with the gorgeous Maisie "whispering" very loudly in my ear, checking I was alright and could we go play outside..!!! Aww bless, love ya loads babe, but not a chance in hell.. I felt and still do like I hadn't slept for weeks and been run over by a dump truck..??
I attempted to get up, but gave it up as a bad job. I haven't one ounce of energy and I am real pissed about it, cos how often do I get some time off. By now, the plan was, that I would have cleaned the house from top to bottom, tidied the garden, resorted the home studio and made a start on the probably overdue magazine articles..!!! And what have I achieved, err absofrikkinlutely zilch..!! Ah well, I have blog hopped for England, sorted and tidied my desktop and created folders for all the crap stored on there. I can actually see the image on the screen now.
I had wanted to be up early and maybe delete my post, but you all beat me to it by leaving comments. I just want to say thank you for the support you have shown, I love you all to bits. I don't mean to do serious but I,m a bit like a lucky dip, you just never know what you gonna get do you..?? lol.

I managed a quick bath and then had to sleep for 2 hrs to recover from it. Is this it, has old age hit..?? I know they say it comes on suddenly but this is ridiculous.. Anyway cant show you my wardrobe remix as it is unbloggable, but here my shoe watch entry.. Don't even know who these belong to, and I don't care. My whole body is having sweats apart from my feet which are like ice...??

Spotted these little beauties on my cyber travels. They would normally be a must have but white and size 8 does not a good combination make. My feet would look like two sailing ships..!!
Blimey I must be seriously ill, if I am talking myself out of a pair of boots, I don't think that has ever occurred before.

I have got a raving thirst that I cant seem to quench, but I don't want my normal 85 cups of tea. No all I want is my Cherry Diet Coke. Now before you are all aghast at the no of cans in the bin. That is not actually one days allowance. Unfortunately it is only half a day....Ooops, well Cherries are fruit so at least I covered my 5 a day, yeah..???

I also came across this hilarious website HERE. Its called people of Walmart. The idea is you go into your local Walmart in the States and photograph what people are wearing. Cool you might think, a bit like Wardrobe Remix, or The Sartorialist,

Yeah right, I don't think. It is actually to find the most ridiculous outfits you can. Do these people not own a mirror..?? The site is heaving with crime after crime to fashion and humanity. I have just chosen a few of the tamer ones to show you, cos you will pee your pants when you see them, and I don't want to take that responsibility whilst you are still on my blogs premises..!!

Ok are you ready..?? Brace yourselves...

To avoid visible pant line under your jeans, hoick them up as far as you can. Try and match the colour to your jeans so as not to draw attention to it..!!!!

Always pick a dark matt colour for a slimming body skimming effect.

And my favourite...If you,ve always looked after your figure, then no need to buy expensive summer outfits, a large roll of Elastoplast will suffice....!!!

Now I have to warn you about this next one. It was sent to me in an email,by the lovely Caroline,who warns of the perils of eating too much garlic. Anyone of a nervous disposition or a weak stomach look away now. That was an official disclaimer against any lawsuits for immense damage to your eyesight. OK I,m gonna leave big gap and you need to go slow to prevent any extreme shock reaction.

Easy now..
Not too quick..
Are you sitting down...?
Are all persons easily offended barred from the room...?
Ok coming up now..
Go, go , go...

WTF...??? Ha ha ha ha ha ha how hilarious is that. I am sorry if it offends anyone, but it doesn't half make me feel better... And its about time you all had a good laugh on here..If I spend any longer with my ass stuck to the bed, I would get worried. Methinks this needs blowing up and putting on my fridge.If she was tanned she could have been a seasonal pumpkin, lol.
The other thing I have done this evening is make art for the sake of it. No purpose whatsoever. Not for a class, not for a magazine, not even for therapy in my journal. It was actually for a challenged.
I have for a long time been a lurker on Nancy's blog, CROWABOUT.
I have long admired her style and her artwork and had spotted that she was going to run an online class. Well by the time I got back round to it yesterday, registration had closed. But then I spotted that she also has a weekly challenge called Collage Play. You have to be invited to join and then every week you get to make a piece of art, of your choice using that weeks collage sheet, which is available to download. All this takes place on Flickr.
Well I got my invite today, downloaded and got on with it It felt quire daunting because the standard of work on there is absofrikkinlutely stunning, I spent a good couple of hours just gawping at it all, in admiration, and nearly didn't bother trying. But then I thought, oh sod it, who cares anyway, I am supposed to be doing this for me, for my benefit, not to look good for others. So then, the pressure was off and I had a whale of a time. I,m real pleased with it, see what you think. Art for Arts sake.

Its not too late to join in, you have until Fri evenings to complete and upload. If you do let me know and I can Link you on here.
Just need to leave you with one last photo. Go on Maisie, just get yourself comfy babe..!!! lmao

Enjoy xx

Lions and Tigers and Bears , Oh my...!!!

Oooops girlies what can I say?? Blogging in the middle of the night can be as dangerous as drunkenly texting exes, you know you shouldn't but cant help it, lol. Not that I do, being almost teetotal, but you know what I mean.
I am in awe at your responses and feel honoured that you have taken the time to comment and reassure me. I will always be ruled by the Imposter Syndrome, old habits take long to die, but slowly, slowly it is becoming less important to me. We need to recognise and celebrate our many good points. To blow our own trumpets, so to speak.
I don't know if any of you read Melody Ross's blog. She was the owner of Chatterbox and always seemed to be living the dream, till it all collapsed around her ears. She has fought long and hard to be back from the horrendous situation she found herself in, and this year organised and participated in Brave Girls Club (BGC). alongside her sister Kathy.I hope she wont mind but I just need you to read these words from her, about their first ever Brave Girls Camp experience.

I thought that I already knew the power of love…..I didn’t. I saw it more, I felt it more….I thought I knew what it meant to heal to wholeness…..but became even more whole. I thought I had seen the greatest miracles I would ever see in my lifetime….but more were waiting, and so spectacular.

I thought I was done making best friends…..but NO WAY….forged friendships that are eternal and deep and wonderful…….I thought that God would show me how I can help others heal the way He helped me heal, and He did….but, what He REALLY did……..was healed up everything that was left to heal in ME too….stuff that I thought I would just have to live with for the rest of my life, and I was even o.k. with living with.

I watched beautiful women make incredible things out of scraps from my past (literally and figuratively) that I had a hard time parting with……and take them home in the form of birds and collages and miracles………….so many of my experiences that I used to tearfully ask “WHY ME?” about….finally made sense…….because my pain was a tiny part of someone else’s miracle. I saw other’s women’s pain turn into someone else’s miracle….I saw their scraps turn into someone else’s treasure. I saw women find themselves and find each other. It was so beautiful for me. I was not expecting that part……I just wasn’t. So many blessings come when we are least expecting them.

How wonderful is that, especially the part that states "my pain was a tiny part of someones miracle".

Maybe we should have our own BGC over here..? Worth thinking about isn't it..?

Whatever you are doing today, do it with pride and with your head held high. From the bottom of my heart I am proud to say you are a fabby brilliant bunch of brave girls and I am frikkin honoured to be slowly getting to know you all.

Dorothy: "Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?"....
Glinda: "You don't need to be helped any longer, you've always had the power to go back to Kansas!".....
Dorothy: "I have?".......
Scarecrow: "Then why didn't you tell her before?"........
Glinda: "Because she wouldn't have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.!!!

So I am off now to click my sparkly, strappy, extremely high, red heels and see where I land..!!!

Bottoms up xx

Friday, October 30, 2009

Cant sleep, so I,m off on one again...!!! Please feel free to ignore...

I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
But still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
Edward Everett Hale

I came across this quote earlier this evening and it has really made me think. It is 3.30 in the morning and I just feel as though this is something I need to say. You never know I might have deleted it before you all get the chance to see it. We,ll see.

Those of you who are new to my blog twitterings maybe get the impression that I have always been this way. But up until my Mum dying very few of you knew anything about me at all. You all knew I was a single Mum with 4 kids and had a bit of a hard life. Apart from that, not a lot else. Now you might as well be living alongside me , you all know so much, lol. So why the change..??

I have spent most of my life, for various reasons, not feeling good enough, not feeling wanted and feeling that I didn't really belong anywhere. I have always had issues with my self esteem, and I am extremely shy and unconfident ( contrary to what you all think)..!! I have perfected my smiley, cheery, loud act over the years to help me cope and to prevent people knowing the real me. Mum's death threw all this out the frikkin window. We have always had a very challenging relationship with each other, and it is only in the last five years that we really became able to know, understand, accept and love each other. Much of this stems from the fact she didn't know a lot about me and I never let the disguise drop. Now it is too late for her to get to know the real me, but it isn't too late for me to get to know the real me, if you understand what I mean. It is a very painful introduction and things have surfaced that I have kept hidden for most of my life, but I feel as though a weight is lifting. I always felt odd, different and very alone and couldn't understand aspects of my personality. Why did I do the things I did, why do I feel the need to press the self destruct button.? Why was there no one else like me.? I now find that there is, there are,people out there who are like me, who have been through the things I have been through. Although I wouldn't wish some of the things I,ve been through on anyone, it is extremely comforting to know I am not on my own. I am finally "normal" ,well as normal as I ever could be, lmao. I have found that many of the things I do, or have done, are "normal" for someone who has been through the same as me. I think this is why I am starting to be more vocal about things, you cant change what you cant confront, and by confronting my issues, I hope I am helping others realise they are not alone. Just knowing someone else is going or has gone through it helps enormously.
Now some of you might think, just cos it helps her, how does she know it would help others..?? I know because of the tons of private emails I receive day in day out, thanking me for putting into words what they have been unable to express, and pouring their heart out.It has astounded me the number of responses I get. Many of the things I talk about can only be recognised by fellow sufferers, and so I don't feel as though I am damaging myself by revealing them. It helps others a lot more than it damages me, and it is an important part of my healing process as well. I do get some comments from people who feel I shouldn't write anything personal on my blog as I am "supposed" to be a professional in the public eye. What a load of bollocks, there is nothing professional about me. I fell into this industry by accident, I loved creating and everything I learnt was an achievement for me. When I realised I had a flair for educating then new doors opened. I am extremely passionate about what I do and teach, and that is all I want to do. I do not want to be a celebrity, I do not want to be an artist, I do not want to be "professional". I just want to always feel this passion inside, to see the light in others eyes when they realise that, yes, they can do it as well. I have never set myself out to be the best there is, I just do what I love. I am well aware that I am not for some, and that to many I am an acquired taste, but you cant win en all, can you. Each to their own, I have spent 46 years being bothered about what people think, and desperately needing confirmations of acceptance. I now, finally realise what a crock of shit that is. Nobody can please everyone and there aint no point trying. I am now trying to live by this quote...

Be who you are and say what you want.
Cos those who mind don't matter,
And those that matter don't mind.

I am not trying to be everything to everyone, I am trying to find out who I am. It is a long slow painful journey and I do try to lighten it with humour, and I feel I am getting there. But without the blog, my life saving art journaling, my fantastic kids, and my so, so , soooooo wonderful friends, I would probably have given up trying and just gone back to my faithful disguise...!!!

And you know what, if you don't like what I write then don't frikkin read it. Its my freedom of speech to write this crap and its your prerogative to just bloody ignore it. So, on that, we are in agreement, lol.

I need to share with you this comment from the lovely Janey B who is not going through too great a time herself. I am not afraid to admit that it had me in tears when I read it, but I will treasure the words.

JaneyB said...
First - The kids are gorgeous and so is their work!

Second - Think I saw your mojo at the bottom of Maisie's little shopping cart (she must have borrowed it for a mo!)!

Third - The class today was fabarooni - a fab project, really lovely ladies, and lots of chat filled with raw honesty, and encouragement too!

Fourth -" Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do". H Jackson Brown Jnr

Fifth - You were right with what you said today about you being meant to do this. Your honesty Dyan is an inspiration to me (and no doubt loads of other women) and I cannot thank you enough for the fact that you are brave enough to share on such a wide spectrum of traumas, what so many of us have been afraid to voice out loud! We are such a mixed up bunch, all with our own baggage, but you are leading the way and one by one we are all following!

If I had a glass of Pinot Grigio in my right hand right now I'd be raising it to you!

Heres to being brave and true to ourselves xx

Has anyone thought to check if shes dead..???

First of all a big thanks to the lovely PAT who gave me this blog award. I,ve already answered the questions in a previous post so I wont bore you again, go take a look and see what Pat,s put for hers, lol.

Wardrobe Remix

slightly different today..!!! This is what I would like to say I was stylish, but so me.!!

or this

or this....

Photo sources HERE, HERE and HERE.
Instead this is what I am actually wearing...WTF..???
oh yes and this is shoe watch..????

I,m not sure what happened today. I journaled till about 3.30 and then went to sleep and just didn't really wake up again much. I woke up bout 7am, cos I was soooo hot and kicking the covers off. Now I normally sleep in nowt and so thought I had better [put something on so as not to frighten Our Tom..!!! Felt rough so went back to sleep. Woke up at 2.30 gasping for a drink. Rang Bezzie Su, who was also spending the day under the duvet due to illness. Still felt shattered so shut my eyes again and woke up at 6.15 with my mobile ringing. I had 4 messages on it and 3 missed calls that I had slept through, lol.
Was amazed when I realised what time it was and so took myself downstairs where they were all congregated eating tea. Ooh says Jay, I was gonna come up in a minute, cos we were worried. Our Tom says hes been in your room 4 times today and each time you were flat out, which is really unusual. So we were gonna finish tea and then come check to see if you were actually dead..!!! Aww isn't that sweet..?? They were so concerned they thought they would have tea first..??? bless them. lmao. Anyhow I only lasted 20 mins and I had to put myself back into bed. I,ve done loads of blog hopping and I,ve got this pile of glossies to dissect, cos I am trying really hard not to close my eyes again or I,ll be awake all night, wont I..??

More journal pages

And I just want to leave you with this. Oh how I used to look forward to this, I thought Morticia was sooooooo glamorous. Maybe that's were I get my black fetish from,lol.

Enjoy xx
PS doubt the shop will be open tomorrow with the way I,m feeling. Sos about that, you,ll have to get creative with a pumpkin instead.....

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Ah yes, I can now officially collapse...!!! + EDIT

woop woop that's it last full day class for 10 days, yayy... Ooh what am I gonna do with myself..??? Err.... sleep, journal, sleep, dance, sleep, running machine, clean, sleep, seaside, lunching, sleep, visiting, journal,prep, prep, prep and hopefully sleep....!!!!

EDIT... Forgot to say its only 56 sleeps till Crimbo ( or maybe 22 sleeps in my case, lmao ). Mind you its always Christmas in my little world....

Had a lovely class today. It was a really quiet one, with lovely company..

Sara ( if you think I have a NEED to shop..?? ) and Mary ( just have a little more belief in your abilities..) . Lovely to see you both.

The lovely Janeyb who has finally let go and relaxed..!!! She absolutely astounded me today with her attitude. Yes life is too short to stuff a mushroom and fret over pieces of paper, lol. I was very proud of you babe.

And last but not least, Denny and Sue, affectionately known as Giddy and Giddier. Here they are in one of their saner moments, believe it or not, lol.
We sat and put the world to rights whilst creating..!!!
Had a visit from my favourite littlest person in the whole world.

She just cant resist, can she..???

Here's a journal page I did last night.

And this one...

I am sat here listening to all my Bettye Lavette ( go on admit it you,ve never heard of her, have you..??? lol) Well I love her. This is quite a slow song, but it is so soulful and its just how I feel at the moment. !!!

Enjoy xx

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Important-----reward for the return of...

Okay, who's got them...? They were here earlier, had a fab day with the munchkins ( see below) and then they jst went. Biff, baff, boff...just like that...I,m sure I didn't put them down and I know I haven't lost them, because I,ve looked in the usual place and they're not there. So I am putting out a plea.
Will whoever has got my get up and go, my mojo and my and my hyper activeness, please bring them back , pretty damn sharpish. Double blue lollies at stake...!!!!
Here I am , earlier, looking for them and looking a bit pissed off, don't you think..??

Anyhow before they were surreptitiously nicked from under my nose, I was having a fab day with the kids workshop. Now normally these kids classes are rammed, but everyone seems to be on their jollies, so we only had 5 of the little darlings.
Normally the workshops are really structured because of the volume of kids , but today I decided to throw caution to the wind, make it up as we went along and just gently guide them along the way.
We started by adding paint, extremely haphazardly..!!! and then we added Tim Holtz masks and a coordinating ink.

I then demoed some over stamping, adding phrases etc.

And this is what they came up with.

How frikkin cool are they..?? I would be proud to say that any of them are mine. They were then let loose on the stamps, papers, magazines and mixed with my gentle guidance and there amazing imaginations they produced some belting work. And the age of the kids who created such masterpieces..??? Were they my older lot..?? My experienced lot..?? My expected to be brilliant lot..??? No they were just gorgeous normal kiddiwinks, including 3 total newbies,
who were prepared to go for it and bugger the consequences..!!!lmao. The youngest was 7 last week and the oldest was 10 last week. Yup that's right, that young. Wish I was churning out art at such a high standard when I was there age, don't you.
So here's the roll of honour, in no particular order.
The angelic looking 7 yr old Will. The teddy bears head is a balloon strapped to his wrist whilst playing X box on the sofa. love it..!!
Then we have the gorgeous 7 yr old Ellie, who there was never any doubt would plump for pink and pretty..!! lol. Just look at that cracking pair of legs, she's picked out for herself..

And then the fabby cheeky grinned 7 yr old Anna. who showed her extremely quirky sense of style in her ace choice of footwear. She also turned my "little bit of Stripy" flower stamps into bumble bees. 4 years we,ve had them and I,ve never thought of it..!!! Might have to employ her as head of creativity..!! lol

This is the gorgeous 10 yr old James. Extremely image conscious, and spent ages searching for the perfect hat to finish off his attire. Gonna be a little heartbreaker, this one, with a gorgeous inner to match his outer.

And last but not least, the loveliest, quietest little treasure, 10 yr old Bronwen. She just put her head down and became totally engrossed in what she was doing. All the elements on her body were picked and trimmed individually, and the care she took in cutting out was astounding. Her Mother was that overwhelmed by the results that she bought the materials for her to make more. Way to go Mum..!!

Today was one of the bestest ever kind of days, just being surrounded by that raw, and unaffected creativity and total belief in them selves. They are a brilliant example to us all.
I always spent a lot of time making things with my four. As a single Mum, with pathetic input from their father we were always penniless and so had to make things up as we went along. We put Blue Peter to shame, with what we created with toilet rolls and washing up liquid bottles. lmao. Imagination and enthusiasm counts for so much more than having the right materials.
I think that's why I enjoyed today so much, although they had access to the top materials it was their imaginations that shone through..God bless their little souls.. xx
Pinched this next photo from The Goddess's facebook. Its very rare to get a photo of Our Tom, never mind one with some of his siblings on, and I think this one of the three of them on a night out is just fantabulous. You never know one day I might get one with all four of them on, but I,m not holding my breath just yet..!!!
Here's a Journal page that I did in Egypt.

And I am going to leave you with this classic. Why..?? Just cos

Enjoy xx

Quote of the Century

"You are an extraordinary woman.

How can you expect anything ordinary to happen to you"

Louisa May Alcott